Modern Phanfic

[LittleLotte394]

I like your new chapters, Jaycee! The scarf scene is a nice little addition, and giving Christine asthma is a realistic touch. Buquet being found dead right outside the school makes his death a little more dramatic than in the book, movie, or play, because that was generally disregarded as an accident, right? But being found dead outside on a sign pole- .

[Jaycee]

Ok, I'm really not too sure about this chapter. I've never done any romance in my stories before, and, after reading over what I wrote, I'm still not quite happy with it, but I think that, for now, it's as good as it's going to get, and I do want to finish this story, so here it is, sorry it took so long.

Raoul’s POV

I was running out of breath. And if I was, Christine must have been. She had never been particularly athletic. Before that day I don’t think I’d ever even seen her run.
“Christine! Wait! Don’t go so fast. We should rest or you’ll have another attack!”
She shook her head wildly, her loose hair bouncing around her shoulders. “I only get them when I’m really scared” she replied.
“You look pretty scared to me”I said, trying to grab hold of her arm to slow her down. She pulled away and, grabbing my hand and pulling me up yet another flight of stairs.
“We’re almost there anyway” she said. I had no choice but to follow her…

Christine’s POV

Was it wrong to drag Raoul into this? Should I have told him the whole story? If I had, would he have been so willing to follow me? As I dragged Raoul up onto the roof of the school, the only safe (or so I thought) place in the school that I knew of, I desperately searched for answers to these endless questions running through my confused and worried mind. As I reached to open the door that led out onto the roof, Raoul pulled my back.
“Why are you taking me to the roof? Can you at least tell me that much?” he demanded.
“I’m sorry Raoul…you’re right, I owe you an explanation…ok, you know the ‘phantom’ everyone’s been talking about?”
“Yeah…what about him? Those are just stupid stories.” He replied uncertainly.
“Yes and no…” I sighed and pulled him through the door and out onto the roof.
It wasn’t an ordinary roof. It was almost like another floor but without walls or rooms or a roof, obviously. There were picnic tables and benches and garbage cans. Lots of kids ate their lunches out there. I pulled Raoul over to one of the benches and sat down.
“Ok, look, Raoul, there is a phantom,” I said quietly. He was about to reply, but I ignored him and continued. “I’m not saying te people spreading the rumours have any clue what they’re talking about, but all rumors have to start somewhere. I think what everyone’s calling a phantom is really my singing teacher. Well, he’s sort of my singing teacher. After my father died, I was really lonely. Especially since I didn’t have you anymore. Then this voice started singing to me and he just sort of started teaching me. I never actually saw him in person until that day you were going to walk me home. He was inside the chalkboard in that classroom and I went down to his lair and it ws amazing! He has this whole house under the school! I’ve never seen anything like it!” During my speech I had stood up and started pacing nervously.
“Is he really a masked man with a cape who dresses all in black?” Raoul asked. This surprised me… I couldn’t figure out why he would ask something like that after what I’d just told him.
“Well, yeah” I said.
“I think you should stay away from him Christine. I have a hard time believing he’s real, but you’ve never lied to me before and you don’t really make jokes very often…look, this guy sounds dangerous Christine. I’m worried about you!”
“Well, obviously he’s dangerous, Raoul! He’s a murderer!”
“You think it was him who killed Buquet? Why?”
“who else would have done it? It was obviously a murder and Buquet was making fun of the Phantom to impress some eighth graders just last week! This guy is crazy! Who knows what he might do. Raoul…I’m really scared.” I stood there shivering, tears rolling down my cheeks. I wished I had thought to put on something warmer before coming up here. Suddenly, I felt Raoul’s hand on my shoulder.
“Don’t be scared, Christine” he whispered, “If he tries to bother you again, I’ll make him go away. Let’s not talk about him anymore.”
I blinked away my tears. “Alright” I said, “That’s all I really wanted to tell you anyway…”
He put his arm around me. “You’re freezing, Christine! Maybe we should go back in.”
“No, wait. I don’t want to go back yet. I’ve wanted to talk to you for a while, but I was too scared.”
“Really? I wanted to talk to you too. Christine, I- well, all those years that you were gone I- well, I really missed you…and… I think I’m in love with you” he said, sounding completely terrified of my reaction.
“Really?” I replied eagerly, “I- well, me too……”
“I’ll always be here for you Christine” he whispered.
Without realising I was going to until a split second before, I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. We stayed on the roof for hours, talking and laughing. We were finally able to catch up on all that we’d missed, now that the awkward part was out of the way. Eventually I realised that it had grown dark while we were talking.
“Oh no! Madame Giry’s going to kill me! I’ve been out here for hours!”
“You’re right! We’d better go back…” said Raoul, with a trace of disappointment in his voice.

We ran down the stairs holding hands tightly. I was still terrified that the phantom might come at any moment and hurt Raoul. Once we got back, everyone was still confused and running around wildly. I had thought that they would have everythig sorted out by that time, but I suppose I shouldn’t have been so surprised. The patetic vice-principals were in charge of calming everyone down and they were quite obviously without a clue of what to do. I finally found someone who was able to tell me that Meg and Mme Giry had left two hours before. That meant I would have to walk home alone. The thought terrified me. Raoul seemed to have read my mind.
“I don’t think you should be walking home alone Christine. Not after what just happened. He might still be looking for you. I’ll go with you.”
“Are you sure? It’s not exactly on your way…”
“Of course I’m sure. Come on, let’s get our stuff from our lockers and then we can finally get away from here.”
We pushed through the crowd until we got to my locker. I grabbed my coat and backpack, and then Raoul and I walked to my house in silence. We had run out of things to talk about and we were both a little nervous about the Phantom. I was also worried about what Mme Giry would say when I got home.

When we arrived at my house, I quickly thanked Raoul, gave him another quick kiss and ran up the driveway. I walked in the door, and came face to face with my adoptive mother. I had never seen her looking so serious, and that’s saying something.
“We need to talk, Christine” she said. Something about her voice told me, I hadn’t been worried for nothing.

[Angel]

Ooh, a bit of a cliffhanger! Gah!

Me likes this chapter very much indeed ... your writing has improved so much since you started this, I think. I thought the romance was fine; I wouldn't have guessed it was your first time. (Honestly, you should see my first shot at writing romance ... or perhaps you shouldn't ::shudders: Aw, Raoul is such a sweetie

[Jaycee]

Aww, thanks Angel, I'm glad you liked it! I guess I hsould start working on the next chapter soon. It might take a while I'm going to be incredibly busy with.....something for the rest of the school year.

[Jaycee]

ok, here's the next chapter. It's kind of short.

Christine’s POV
“Christine, how could you?” Mme Giry cried in frustration.
“I-“
“Do you know how long Meg and I spent looking for you?” she demanded.
“But-“ I protested, although I probably should have saved my breath. I knew she was not in a mood to be reasoned with.
“I was so worried! I thought you’d been taken by-“ she stopped, clapping a hand to her mouth in horror.
“Taken by who?” I asked suspiciously. But she wouldn’t tell me. I begged her to tell me, but she only sent me to bed. Walking slowly up the stairs, I decided I was lucky. I had gotten off easy this time. At least for now…who knew what the morning would bring. Not even thoughts of Mme Giry’s wrath could have spoiled that night, though. I fell asleep almost immediately after my head touched the pillow, but there were no phantoms haunting my dreams that night. As I lay in my bed that night, my dreams were only of Raoul and the kiss we had shared on the roof.

A couple months passed. \There was no more sign of the Phantom. My fears were starting to evaporate. Raoul and I talked more in class, although, we weren’t officially a couple. I was still terrified that if the Phantom heard the slightest whisper of how I felt about Raoul, he would return and something terrible would happen. Raoul understood, although he kept saying it was killing him to not tell anyone how much he loved me. As time went on, my confidence returned. Raoul seemed to notice. He said I was more and more like the little girl he had known ears ago. He always walked home with me after school. After all, no one would start rumours if we acted like friends, so I didn’t see any harm. But as my confidence grew, I started holding his hand on the way home, and even allowed him to give me a small kiss at the door one day. Little did I know, my every move was being watched. The bolder I became, the more danger I was putting Raoul in. But I didn’t know that until it was too late.

Soon it was Christmas, and, when that was over, Mme Giry told me that she was allowing Meg to throw a big New Years party at our house. Meg had quickly overcome her shyness and was one of the most popular girls in our grade. The bad news, was that Mme Giry insisted that everyone in our grade be invited. That included Carlotta. She still hadn’t gotten over the fact that Raoul didn’t like her and was still convinced that she might be able to win him over. The last thing I wanted was to provide an opportunity for her to steal ihm from me.

The day before the party, I realised, that I still hadn’t told Raoul about it. Meg had issued invitations to most of the people who were invited, but I had asked her to let me invite Raoul in person. She was the only person I had told about what really happened the night of Buquet’s murder. That day on the way home from school, I decided to talk to Raoul about the party.
“Did you hear about the party that we’re having at my house on New Years Eve,” I asked him.
“Yeah, sounds like pretty much everyone’s invited,”he replied.
“Well, It would look pretty stupid if one of the hosts went without a date” I said.
“Christine, if Meg wants me to go with her to the party, she should ask me herself” he teased.
“Oh, shut up,” I said, laughing, “So will you come with me?”
“Of course!” he replied.
So we walked home together in silence, just enjoying each toehr’s company. My worries felt so far away on that day, but soon I would realise that ll of my fears were about to come true.

Next chapter is masquerade!

[Hi-chan]

Hi! I like this. This is pretty good. I've been thinking about posting some of my phanfiction, but I have so many ideas that I don't know where to start.

I will be content, however, with just reading yours. It's basically like the movie, but at the same time it's unique and you've added your own twists. I like that. ^_^ Good job so far!

[Jaycee]

Thanks, Hi-Chan! I hope you'll excuse all of the typos, I don't have spellcheck. And I don't have a lot of free time for proof-reading either. I'd love to read some of your phanfiction. It seems like I'm the only one writing lately. WE haven't had a new phic for ages. And I've been so busy I hardly ever get to post.

[Angel]

Hehe, I like this a lot, Jaycee! A lot of typos, but that's easily fixed ... I love Mme Giry's motherly protectiveness of Christine, and the playful dialogue between Raoul and Christine really made me smile --> ;D I'll be very interested to see how Masquerade plays out! But, remember, although we all love your updates, don't feel you have to sacrifice quality to churn them out fast. If you're busy, I'm sure we all understand -- heck, we're all busy! If I had the time, I'd probably be posting some phics as well, although unfortunately they seem to be stuck away in some old folder on my computer which I haven't had time to dig up. Grrr. I hate exams.

Anyway, that's off-topic. So basically, keep writing, Jaycee! Looking forward to the next installment!

[Jaycee]

okay, this one's a very long chapter, since I took several days working on it instead of doing it all in one day like i usually do. Hopefully it's a little better than the last one.

Fifteen minutes before the party was scheduled to start, Meg and I were more than a little nervous. People had been talking about this party for weeks, and we knew it would have to live up to their expectations. Well, that’s what I told myself was worrying me, anyway…and I know that was why Meg was nervous. We sat in silence, waiting for the guests to arrive. All the preparations had been made and now there was nothing to do but wait. I hated the waiting, since it meant there was nothing to do but think. And my thoughts were anything but pleasant. I knew that a big party like this would seem very appealing to someone who wanted to cause trouble. Yes, it had been three months since the phantom’s last appearance and the rumours about him had almost faded into nothing. The occasional whisper could still be heard. After all, a dramatic unexplained death like that of Joseph Buquet is not easily forgotten. But most people had grown to believe that it was suicide, or a freak acccident. I could never accept that explanation. From what I knew of this mysterious phantom, he would never give up so easily. I was finally saved from my awful thoughts by the ringing of the doorbell.


As nice as it was not to have to think about the phantom, what I saw at the door wasn’t much better. I instantly regretted not having made a more exclusive guest list. Meg wanted so badly to be popular that she had invited out entire grade to the party. Unfortunately, that included Carlotta.
“I didn’t realise you were going to be here” sniffed Carlotta, when I opened the door.
“I live here” I reminded her, rolling my eyes. She simply grunted and pushed past me, dragging her date, a shy, fat boy called Ubaldo into the house.
“This doesn’t look like a party,” she commented drily as she looked around the room.
“That’s because you’re fifteen minutes early” I replied.
She turned and saw that Piangi had headed straight for the food table. Scowling she called to him
“Ubaldo! Get your face out of the food and get back over here. I Invited you here as my date, not so you could run off and stuff your face!” She then turned back to me. “Ubaldo is only here because my other date cancelled last minute. I was going to come with Raoul, but he got sick” she lied. It was obvious she was only trying to make me jealous.
I chose to ignore her comment. I knew Raoul was coming, there was no point getting into a fight over it.

One by one, the guests trickled in, over the next little while. Meg certainly knew how to throw a good party. Everyone was dancing and having a wonderful time only half an hour after the party started. Everyone, that is, except me. I could hear Carlotta gossiping loudly with her clique of giggly friends. They were pretending to be secretive about it , but I could tell that Carlotta wanted everyone, especially me, to hear every word she said.
“Look, Christine doesn’t have a date to her own party!” screeched Carlotta, laughing loudly.
I felt my cheeks turn red as all the girls started making snide comments about me.
“I do have a date, Carlotta, he’s just a bit late!” I replied angrily.
“Hah! She got stood up! That’s even worse than not having a date!” said Carlotta. I turned and walked away to where Meg was talking with her new friends.


“Christine!” exclaimed Meg when she saw me, “There you are! Are you enjoying the party? Why aren’t you dancing? I thought you said you had a date!”
“He’s…not here yet” I said quietly.
“That’s too bad,” she replied, “Why don’t you come have a drink with us?”
“No thanks” I replied, then walked off.

I kept wandering around for a few minutes, trying to find a group that I could fit in with, but it was no use. Everyone was in couples and I was alone. I was starting to worry. Maybe my fears hadn’t been empty after all. Maybe the phantom had returned and found out about Raoul. If Raoul got hurt, and it was my fault, I would never forgive myself. I fiddled nervously with the beautiful necklace that Raoul have given me a week before. It had been his mother’s and it was one of the few things he had left that had belonged to her. It had three green stones held together by thin gold wire. I had worn it for this occasion so that Raoul could see me wearing it, but I was beginning to worry that he never would.

Finally when the party had been going on for 45 minutes, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned and saw that Raoul had finally arrived.
“Sorry I’m late” he shouted ove the loud music, “My brother was supposed to drive me but…uh…his car broke down”. Something about that explanation didn’t seem right. Raoul’s father had always favoured and spoiled Philippe, Raoul’s brother. Somehow I didn’t think a car that Philippe drove would be the kind to break down. But if Raoul wasn’t ready to tell me the truth, I was sure he must have a good reason. Besides, I was so relieved to see him, I couldn’t have cared where he’d been.
“I thought something had happened to you” I said.
“I’m sorry,” he replied, “I called, but of course you can’t hear the phone ringing in here”. He pulled me into a tight embrace as if to reassure me and then held out his hand and led me onto the dance floor. When we passed Carlotta, I grinned widely at her. Her jaw dropped when she saw who I was with. She immediately pushed Ubaldo away and strode over to where we were. As she walked away, poor Ubaldo called out
“I’m sorry, Carlotta! I didn’t mean to step on your foot!”

“How dare you?” she screamed at Raoul, “you said you weren’t comign to this party!”
Raoul sighed and replied, “Well I wouldn’t have had to tell you that if you had just accepted it when I told you I wasn’t coming with you!”
“You’re not supposed to say no when one person asks you to a party and then turn around and go with someone else!” Carlotta screeched.
“Actually I think that rule only applies to dancing at parties. Besides, I didn’t! Christine had already asked me before you did.”
Carlotta stormed off in a huff and Raoul and I watched her go in silence. When she was out of earshot, we turned to each other and burst out laughing.

Finally, after all the loud roaring music, a slower, quieter song came on, and Raoul and I went back out on the dance floor. We danced closer together, staring at each other, and then Raoul pulled me close to him. I sighed, resting my head on his chest and stayed there for a few moments. Lifitng my head, I reached up to kiss him, but suddenly, we were interrupted.
“My friends,” called a loud booming voice, that came from none other than the Phantom himself, “What a splendid party! Did you all miss me? I just thought I should come to let you know that I have not left forever. Nor am I a figment of your imaginations as some of you seemed to hope” He looked directly at me as he said this. Then he started walking towards me. I shrank back against Raoul but he continued to advance until he was only inches from my face. Silently, he reached out and yanked ymy necklace off. I moved forward to snatch it back but he turned and disappeared in a burst of flame. I turned to Raoul and tried to apologise for losing his mother’s necklace, but the words wouldn’t come out of my mouth. He was still staring fixedly at the spot where the phantom had vanished.

[LittleLotte394]

I haven't read this in ages, but I'm pleased with what's new here. Very nice additions, Jaycee, very nice! Angel was right- your writing is really improving, not that it wasn't great at the start. I enjoyed this last chapter especially. I love your portrayal of Carlotta *cough*Regina George*cough*. I can't wait for the next chapter.

[Angel]

Ooh! Nice work, Jaycee! Let me reiterate -- I really admire how you've modernised things, like making the masquerade into a regular party, while still keeping the storyline intact. That gets huge kudos from me

There was a double-up of one paragraph in this chapter -- where Christine is annoyed that Carlotta is coming to the party.

If I was to make one suggestion, then I'd probably recommend fleshing out the Phantom a bit more. I mean, I'm definitely for all the RC, naturally, but you seem to be focusing solely on that aspect of the story. I had actually pretty much forgotten about the Phantom until he showed up ... maybe just a quick Phantom POV every now and then to remind us that he's still alive and is (I assume!) making plans about Christine ...

But overall, good work! Looking forward to the next chapter!